Surviving the Holidays When Family is Complicated: A Therapist's Guide

It's the "most wonderful time of the year"—unless your family is complicated.

While everyone else seems to be posting picture-perfect family gatherings and heartwarming moments, you're already feeling anxious about spending time with relatives who criticise you, ignore your boundaries, or bring up painful topics over Christmas dinner.

You're not alone. And you're not wrong for dreading it.

As a psychotherapist based in Melbourne with spaces in Elsternwick and Malvern East, I work with countless clients navigating difficult family dynamics during the holidays. The pressure to show up, be grateful, and play happy families can feel suffocating—especially when your family relationships are strained, toxic, or traumatic.

Let me offer you some practical strategies for surviving (and maybe even protecting your peace during) the holiday season.

Why the Holidays Are So Hard When Family is Complicated

The holiday season amplifies everything.

Cultural pressure: Society tells us holidays are about family, gratitude, and togetherness. If your family is difficult, you feel like something is wrong with YOU.

Forced proximity: You're expected to spend extended time with people you might normally limit contact with.

Old roles resurface: No matter how much you've grown or changed, family gatherings can pull you back into old dynamics—the scapegoat, the peacekeeper, the disappointment, the invisible one.

Unmet expectations: You hope this year will be different. It rarely is. The disappointment compounds.

Triggers everywhere: Certain topics, dynamics, or even smells can activate trauma responses or painful memories.

The "gratitude" trap: You're told to be grateful for family, which can make you feel guilty for your legitimate feelings about difficult relatives.

Common difficult family dynamics during holidays:

• Criticism disguised as "concern"

• Boundary violations ("Why don't you visit more?" "When are you having kids?" "You've gained weight")

• Passive-aggressive comments

• Favoritism or scapegoating

• Alcohol-fueled arguments or tension

• Political or religious conflicts

• Unresolved trauma or grief

• Toxic positivity ("Just be happy! It's Christmas!")

• Gaslighting ("That never happened" "You're too sensitive")

If any of this resonates, keep reading.

Before the Gathering: Preparation is Everything

1. Decide If You're Going (Yes, That's Optional)

You don't have to go.

I know that feels radical, but it's true. You're an adult. You get to choose.

Ask yourself:

• Will attending harm my mental health?

• Am I going out of obligation, guilt, or genuine desire?

• Do I have the emotional capacity for this right now?

• What's the actual consequence if I don't go?

If you decide not to go:

• You don't owe anyone a detailed explanation

• "I won't be able to make it this year, but I hope you have a lovely time" is sufficient

• Create your own meaningful holiday tradition

• Prepare for potential guilt-tripping or pushback

If you do decide to go, that's valid too. Just make sure it's YOUR choice, not obligation.

2. Set Boundaries BEFORE You Arrive

Don't wait until you're triggered to think about boundaries.

Decide in advance:

• How long you'll stay (and communicate this: "I can stay until 3pm")

• Which topics are off-limits for you

• What you'll do if boundaries are crossed

• Your exit plan if you need to leave early

Practice saying:

• "I'm not discussing that"

• "That topic is off-limits for me"

• "I need to leave now, but thank you for having me"

• "I appreciate your concern, but I'm not open to advice on that"

Communicate key boundaries ahead of time if possible: "Just so you know, I won't be discussing [topic] this year. I hope you can respect that."

3. Manage Your Expectations

The harsh truth: They probably won't change.

Your critical mother likely won't suddenly become warm and accepting. Your dismissive father probably won't validate your feelings. Your competitive sibling will likely still compare and compete.

This isn't pessimism—it's protection.

When you expect them to be who they've always been, you're less likely to be disappointed or hurt.

Helpful reframe: "I'm going to observe my family, not expect anything different from them."

4. Build Your Support System

Don't go through this alone.

Before the gathering:

• Tell a trusted friend or therapist your concerns

• Arrange check-in texts with someone supportive

• Plan something pleasant for after (coffee with a friend, favorite movie, etc.)

During the gathering:

• Have someone you can text if you're struggling

• Know you can leave and call someone supportive

After the gathering:

• Debrief with someone who gets it

• Process what happened

• Validate your own experience

5. Plan Self-Care for Before, During, and After

Before:

• Get good sleep the night before

• Eat well and stay hydrated

• Do something that grounds you (walk, meditation, exercise)

• Limit alcohol the night before

During:

• Take breaks (bathroom, walk outside, "phone call")

• Limit alcohol (it lowers your ability to maintain boundaries)

• Eat regularly (blood sugar affects emotional regulation)

• Use grounding techniques if you're triggered

After:

• Give yourself time to decompress

• Don't jump into other obligations

• Process your feelings (journal, talk to someone, therapy)

• Practice self-compassion

During the Gathering: Survival Strategies

1. Use Strategic Positioning

Physical space matters.

• Sit near exits if possible

• Position yourself near supportive relatives

• Avoid being cornered or trapped in conversations

• Take breaks outside or in another room

• Keep your car keys accessible

2. Have Conversation Deflection Strategies

When someone brings up a boundary-violating topic:

The Redirect: "Oh, that reminds me, have you tried that new restaurant in [area]?"

The Vague Response: "Things are going well, thanks for asking. How about you?"

The Boundary Statement: "I appreciate your interest, but I'm not discussing that today."

The Exit: "Excuse me, I need to [bathroom/help in kitchen/make a call]."

The Broken Record: Just keep repeating your boundary calmly: "I'm not discussing that" no matter how they push.

The Subject Change: "I'd rather talk about [different topic]. Tell me about [their interest]."

3. Recognize Manipulation Tactics

Be aware of common manipulation strategies:

Guilt-tripping: "We never see you anymore" "Family is supposed to be together" "Your grandmother would be so disappointed"

Response: "I understand you're disappointed. This is what works for me."

Gaslighting: "That never happened" "You're remembering it wrong" "You're too sensitive"

Response: "That's not my experience" or simply don't engage—you know your truth.

Passive-aggression: Subtle digs, backhanded compliments, martyrdom

Response: You can name it ("That felt like a dig") or let it roll off (they want a reaction).

Triangulation: Using other family members to deliver messages or create alliances

Response: "If [person] has something to say to me, they can say it directly."

Love-bombing then criticism: Being overly nice then suddenly critical

Response: Recognize the pattern, don't get pulled in by the niceness thinking things have changed.

4. Use Grounding Techniques When Triggered

If you feel activated, overwhelmed, or dissociating:

5-4-3-2-1 Technique:

• 5 things you can see

• 4 things you can touch

• 3 things you can hear

• 2 things you can smell

• 1 thing you can taste

Breathing:

• Box breathing (in 4, hold 4, out 4, hold 4)

• Long exhales (out longer than in)

Physical grounding:

• Feel your feet on the floor

• Hold something cold (ice, cold drink)

• Splash cold water on your face

• Go outside for fresh air

Mental grounding:

• "I am safe right now"

• "This is temporary"

• "I can leave whenever I need to"

• "Their behavior is about them, not me"

5. Know Your Exit Strategy

You can leave. Truly.

Have a plan:

• Your own transportation (don't rely on others)

• An excuse ready ("I'm not feeling well" "I have an early commitment tomorrow")

• A friend on standby to "need" you

• Permission from yourself to leave without guilt

You don't need to:

• Stay until the end

• Explain in detail why you're leaving

• Get anyone's permission

• Feel guilty for prioritizing your wellbeing

Script: "Thank you for having me. I need to head out now. I hope you all have a lovely rest of the day."

Then leave. Don't get pulled into negotiation.

Specific Scenarios and How to Handle Them

Scenario 1: Invasive Questions

"When are you having kids?" "Why are you still single?" "How much do you make?"

Responses:

• "I'm not discussing that" (firm, final)

• "That's personal" (simple boundary)

• "Why do you ask?" (turns it back on them)

• "I'll let you know when there's something to share" (vague, ends conversation)

• Smile and change subject (non-verbal boundary)

Scenario 2: Criticism or Unsolicited Advice

"You should really..." "Have you tried..." "If I were you..."

Responses:

• "I appreciate your concern, but I'm not looking for advice"

• "I'm handling it"

• "That's an interesting perspective" (acknowledge without agreeing)

• "I've got it covered, thanks"

Scenario 3: Bringing Up Painful Past Events

"Remember when you..." "You always..." "You were such a [difficult child/disappointment/etc.]"

Responses:

• "I don't want to talk about the past today"

• "That's not how I remember it" (if they're rewriting history)

• "Let's focus on the present"

• Simply change subject without acknowledging the comment

Scenario 4: Political, Religious, or Values Conflicts

When someone brings up inflammatory topics:

Responses:

• "I don't discuss politics/religion at family gatherings"

• "We're not going to agree on this, so let's talk about something else"

• "I'm here to spend time with family, not debate"

• Physically leave the conversation

Scenario 5: Someone Drinking Too Much

When alcohol escalates tension:

Strategies:

• Don't engage with intoxicated people in serious conversations

• Create physical distance

• This might be your cue to leave early

• Don't take things said by drunk people personally (even though they hurt)

Scenario 6: Being Ignored or Excluded

When you're being treated as invisible or less-than:

Remember:

• This is about their behavior, not your worth

• You can't control how they treat you, only how long you expose yourself to it

• It's okay to leave a gathering where you're not valued

• Your presence is a gift they're choosing not to appreciate

After the Gathering: Recovery and Processing

1. Decompress Intentionally

Don't just push through.

Do:

• Give yourself time to transition back

• Change into comfortable clothes

• Do something soothing (bath, favorite show, walk)

• Move your body to release tension

• Journal or voice-memo your thoughts

Don't:

• Immediately jump into other obligations

• Numb with excessive alcohol or other substances

• Suppress your feelings

• Berate yourself for how you handled things

2. Process Your Feelings

Whatever you're feeling is valid.

Disappointed? Angry? Sad? Relieved it's over? Guilty for feeling relieved? All valid.

Helpful processing:

• Talk to a trusted friend or therapist

• Write it out

• Acknowledge what was hard

• Notice what you did well (maintained a boundary, left when you needed to, etc.)

Avoid:

• "I should be grateful"

• "Other people have it worse"

• "It wasn't that bad"

Your experience is your experience. You don't need to justify or minimize it.

3. Notice What You Learned

Every difficult family interaction teaches you something.

• Which boundaries do you need to strengthen for next time?

• What worked well?

• What would you do differently?

• What patterns did you notice?

• What do you need going forward?

This isn't about self-criticism—it's about self-awareness and empowerment.

4. Release Guilt

Guilt is common after setting boundaries or leaving early.

Remember:

• You're not responsible for others' disappointment

• Taking care of yourself isn't selfish

• You don't owe anyone your presence at the cost of your wellbeing

• "But they're family" doesn't obligate you to accept mistreatment

Affirmations:

• "I'm allowed to protect my peace"

• "My boundaries are valid"

• "I did what I needed to do"

• "I'm not responsible for managing others' emotions"

5. Plan for Next Year (If Relevant)

While it's fresh, consider:

• Do I want to attend next year?

• What would need to change for me to feel okay attending?

• What boundaries do I need to communicate earlier?

• What support do I need to have in place?

You might decide:

• To attend but for shorter time

• To attend only if certain people will be there (or won't be)

• To host your own separate gathering

• To not attend at all

• To take a break from family holidays for a year or more

All of these are valid choices.

Creating Your Own Meaningful Holiday

You can opt out of traditional family gatherings and still have meaningful holidays.

Alternative holiday ideas:

• Friendsgiving/Friendsmas with chosen family

• Volunteer work that feels meaningful

• Travel or staycation

• Quiet time alone with activities you love

• Small gathering with only people who feel safe

• Virtual connection with distant loved ones who are supportive

• Creating entirely new traditions that feel good to you

Your holiday doesn't have to look like anyone else's to be valid and meaningful.

When Family Gatherings Cause Real Harm

Sometimes "surviving" isn't enough—sometimes you need to stop attending.

It might be time to skip family holidays if:

• Attending consistently harms your mental health

• You experience panic attacks, depression spikes, or trauma responses before/during/after

• There's active abuse (emotional, physical, sexual, financial)

• Your safety is at risk

• You're going only out of guilt or obligation with no positive aspects

• Recovery takes weeks

• You're being pressured to tolerate behavior you wouldn't accept from anyone else

"But they're family" is not a reason to accept mistreatment.

You're allowed to:

• Go no-contact or low-contact with family members

• Skip holidays indefinitely

• Create distance without guilt

• Prioritize your mental health over family expectations

• Redefine what family means to you

The Role of Therapy in Navigating Difficult Family Dynamics

Therapy can help you:

Before the holidays:

• Process past family trauma

• Develop and practice boundary-setting skills

• Manage anxiety about upcoming gatherings

• Decide whether to attend

• Create a plan for difficult scenarios

• Work on guilt, obligation, and people-pleasing patterns

After the holidays:

• Process what happened

• Work through triggered memories or feelings

• Heal from ongoing family dynamics

• Grieve the family you wish you had

• Build skills for future interactions

Ongoing work:

• Understand your family patterns and your role in them

• Heal attachment wounds

• Develop secure sense of self separate from family narratives

• Build chosen family and healthy relationships

• Process complex feelings (loving and resenting family members simultaneously)

If you're struggling with difficult family dynamics—during the holidays or year-round—you don't have to navigate it alone.

Final Thoughts: You're Not Alone

If the holidays bring up pain, anxiety, or dread because of family, please know:

You're not being dramatic.
Difficult family dynamics cause real harm.

You're not ungrateful.
Boundaries aren't rejection; they're self-preservation.

You're not alone.
Countless people struggle with this exact issue.

You're allowed to protect yourself.
Even from family. Especially from family.

You deserve peaceful holidays.
Even if that means creating them outside of traditional family gatherings.

You get to decide what's right for you.
No one else lives in your body, mind, or family system.

And you deserve support.
Whether that's from friends, chosen family, or a therapist—you don't have to do this alone.

Need Support This Holiday Season?

I'm Indi Bruch, an integrative psychotherapist in based in Melbourne with space in Elsternwick and Malvern East (also offering telehealth across Australia). I help people navigate difficult family dynamics, set boundaries, process trauma, and build the relationships they actually want.

If you're struggling with:

• Anxiety about upcoming family gatherings

• Guilt about setting boundaries or not attending

• Processing difficult family interactions

• Healing from family trauma

• Building healthier relationship patterns

I can help.

Currently accepting new clients for in-person and online therapy.

📧 Book your free consultation: www.indibruch.com.au

You deserve peace—during the holidays and all year round. Let's work together to help you protect it.

Stuck in the Same Relationship Patterns? Here's Why (And How to Break Free)

Different person, same problems. Sound familiar?

You keep attracting emotionally unavailable partners. Or you find yourself people-pleasing until you're exhausted. Or every relationship ends the same way—with you feeling abandoned or suffocated.

You tell yourself "this time will be different," but somehow, you end up in the exact same dynamic with a new person.

Here's the truth: You're not unlucky in love. You're stuck in a relationship pattern.

As a psychotherapist in Elsternwick and Malvern East who works with people struggling with relationship issues, I see these patterns constantly. The good news? Once you understand why you repeat them, you can finally break free.

What Are Relationship Patterns?

Relationship patterns are the recurring dynamics, behaviors, and choices you make in romantic relationships, friendships, or even family connections.

Common examples:

• Always choosing partners who are emotionally unavailable

• People-pleasing until you lose yourself

• Pushing people away when they get too close

• Attracting or staying with partners who criticise or control you

• Sabotaging relationships when things get too good

• Repeating the same conflicts over and over

• Feeling anxious or abandoned in relationships

• Being the "fixer" or "rescuer" in every relationship

The frustrating part? You often don't realize you're in a pattern until you've been through it multiple times.

Why Do We Get Stuck in Relationship Patterns?

1. Your Attachment Style

Your early relationships shaped how you connect with others as an adult.

In childhood, you learned what love looks like, how safe relationships feel, and whether people stick around when things get hard.

Common attachment patterns:

Anxious Attachment: You crave closeness but fear abandonment. You might become clingy, need constant reassurance, or panic when partners pull away slightly.

Avoidant Attachment: You value independence and struggle with intimacy. You might pull away when things get too close, prefer emotional distance, or feel suffocated by partners' needs.

Disorganized Attachment: You want closeness but fear it simultaneously. You might push-pull in relationships, feeling terrified of both intimacy and abandonment.

Your attachment style isn't your fault—but understanding it is the first step to changing your patterns.

2. Repeating Familiar Dynamics

Your brain seeks what's familiar, even when it's painful.

If you grew up with a critical parent, you might unconsciously choose critical partners. If love in your family felt conditional, you might seek relationships where you have to "earn" affection.

Why? Because familiar = predictable = safe (to your nervous system). Your brain knows how to navigate these dynamics, even if they hurt.

The pattern: You're unconsciously trying to "fix" or "master" an old wound by recreating it.

3. Core Beliefs About Yourself

Your relationship patterns reflect what you believe about yourself deep down.

If you believe:

• "I'm not worthy of love" → You accept crumbs or stay in bad relationships

• "People always leave" → You push people away before they can abandon you

• "I'm too much" → You shrink yourself, people-please, or hide your needs

• "Love requires sacrifice" → You give until you're empty

• "I'm unlovable as I am" → You constantly perform or try to be perfect

These beliefs operate unconsciously, driving your choices and behaviors.

4. Unprocessed Trauma

Trauma shapes how you relate to others.

If you've experienced:

• Betrayal or infidelity

• Emotional, physical, or sexual abuse

• Neglect or abandonment

• Toxic or controlling relationships

Your nervous system stays on high alert. You might:

• Assume people will hurt you (hypervigilance)

• Push people away before they can leave (protective distance)

• Tolerate poor treatment because it feels normal (trauma bonding)

• Struggle to trust even safe people

Trauma changes your relational template. Healing requires processing the past, not just choosing "better" partners.

5. Lack of Self-Awareness

You can't change patterns you don't see.

Many people are genuinely unaware of their patterns until someone (a friend, therapist, or blunt ex) points them out.

Signs you lack awareness:

• You blame every relationship failure on the other person

• You don't see your role in recurring conflicts

• You repeat the same choices but expect different results

• You dismiss feedback about your behavior

Self-awareness is the foundation of change.

6. Fear of the Unknown

Breaking patterns means stepping into uncertainty.

Even painful patterns feel predictable and safe. Trying something new—choosing a different type of partner, setting boundaries, being vulnerable—feels terrifying.

The thought process: "What if I try something different and fail?" "What if being vulnerable gets me hurt?" "What if I don't know how to be in a healthy relationship?"

Fear keeps you stuck in familiar suffering rather than risking unfamiliar growth.

Common Relationship Patterns (And Why You're Stuck)

The People-Pleaser Pattern

What it looks like: You prioritize everyone's needs above your own. You struggle to say no. You lose yourself trying to keep others happy.

Why you're stuck: You learned love requires sacrifice, or that your needs don't matter. Setting boundaries feels selfish or dangerous.

The cost: Resentment, exhaustion, relationships where you're not truly seen or valued.

The Emotional Unavailability Pattern

What it looks like: You consistently choose partners who are emotionally distant, unavailable, or inconsistent. You're always chasing closeness that never comes.

Why you're stuck: Familiar dynamic from childhood, or you unconsciously avoid real intimacy by choosing people who can't give it.

The cost: Chronic longing, anxiety, feeling unseen and unimportant.

The Push-Pull Pattern

What it looks like: You want closeness but freak out when you get it. You push people away, then panic when they leave. You create distance, then crave connection.

Why you're stuck: Disorganized attachment or trauma makes intimacy feel dangerous. You're caught between craving and fearing connection.

The cost: Unstable relationships, constant anxiety, pushing away people who care about you.

The Rescuer/Fixer Pattern

What it looks like: You're drawn to "broken" people who need saving. You believe your love can fix them. You pour energy into partners who don't reciprocate.

Why you're stuck: Focusing on others' problems helps you avoid your own. Or you learned love means self-sacrifice and taking care of others.

The cost: One-sided relationships, burnout, losing yourself, staying with people who don't change.

The Self-Sabotage Pattern

What it looks like: Things are going well... so you find a reason to blow it up. You cheat, pick fights, or pull away when relationships get serious.

Why you're stuck: Deep down you don't believe you deserve good things. Or healthy relationships feel unfamiliar and uncomfortable.

The cost: Destroying potentially good relationships, confirming your belief that you're unworthy or unlovable.

The Anxious-Avoidant Pattern

What it looks like: You're anxious, they're avoidant (or vice versa). You chase, they run. They get distant, you get clingy. You're caught in a painful dance.

Why you're stuck: This dynamic feels familiar and keeps both people's fears alive—fear of abandonment for the anxious partner, fear of engulfment for the avoidant.

The cost: Constant anxiety, never feeling secure, relationships that feel more like struggles than partnerships.

How to Break Free From Relationship Patterns

1. Develop Self-Awareness

You can't change what you don't see.

Ask yourself:

• What patterns do I notice in my relationships?

• What keeps showing up with different people?

• What was I taught about love and relationships growing up?

• What do I believe about myself in relationships?

• What role do I typically play?

Journal, reflect, or work with a therapist to identify your patterns clearly.

2. Understand Your Attachment Style

Learn how your early experiences shaped your relational template.

Understanding your attachment style helps you:

• Recognize your triggers

• Understand your automatic responses

• Make sense of your patterns

• Develop compassion for yourself

• Start making conscious choices

Therapy, particularly psychodynamic or attachment-focused work, is incredibly helpful for this.

3. Challenge Core Beliefs

Identify and question the beliefs driving your patterns.

Process:

• What do I believe about myself in relationships?

• Where did this belief come from?

• Is it actually true, or just familiar?

• What would I believe if I was worthy of healthy love?

Example: "I'm too much" → "This belief came from being told to be quiet as a child" → "Maybe I'm not too much; maybe I was just in environments that couldn't hold me."

4. Process Past Trauma and Wounds

You can't logic your way out of trauma responses.

Healing trauma requires:

• Working with a trauma-informed therapist

• Processing experiences your nervous system still holds

• Developing tools for regulation and safety

• Learning that not everyone will hurt you like you were hurt before

This work takes time, but it's essential for breaking trauma-based patterns.

5. Practice New Behaviors

Awareness isn't enough—you need to practice doing things differently.

Try:

• Choosing a different type of partner than your usual "type"

• Setting boundaries even when it feels uncomfortable

• Being vulnerable instead of shutting down

• Staying in a relationship when it gets hard (if it's healthy)

• Leaving a relationship when it's unhealthy (instead of staying)

• Asking for what you need directly

New behaviors feel awkward and scary at first. That's normal. Keep practicing.

6. Work With a Therapist

Breaking relationship patterns is hard to do alone.

Therapy helps you:

• Identify patterns you can't see yourself

• Understand the roots of your patterns

• Process trauma and attachment wounds

• Challenge beliefs and develop new ones

• Practice new ways of relating in the therapeutic relationship

• Get support and accountability as you change

This is exactly the kind of work I do with clients in Elsternwick, Malvern East, and via telehealth across Australia.

When to Seek Help

Consider therapy if:

• You keep ending up in the same painful relationship dynamics

• You recognize patterns but can't seem to change them

• Your relationship issues are affecting your mental health

• You struggle with trust, intimacy, or vulnerability

• Past trauma is impacting your current relationships

• You want to understand yourself better before your next relationship

• You're tired of repeating the same mistakes

You don't have to keep suffering through the same patterns. Change is possible.

Breaking the Cycle: What's Possible

When you do this work, you can:

• Choose partners consciously instead of unconsciously repeating patterns

• Feel secure in relationships instead of anxious or avoidant

• Set boundaries without guilt

• Be vulnerable without terror

• Stay present instead of running or clinging

• Build relationships based on who you are, not who you think you need to be

• Experience healthy, reciprocal love—maybe for the first time

You deserve relationships that feel good, not just familiar.

Ready to Break Free From Your Relationship Patterns?

I'm Indi Bruch, an integrative psychotherapist in Elsternwick and Malvern East (also offering telehealth across Australia). I specialize in helping people understand and change their relationship patterns through trauma-informed, insight-oriented therapy.

What we'll work on:

• Identifying your specific relationship patterns

• Understanding your attachment style and relational history

• Processing trauma and core wounds

• Challenging beliefs that keep you stuck

• Practicing new ways of relating

• Building the relationships you actually want

Currently accepting new clients for in-person and online therapy.

📧 Book your free consultation: www.indibruch.com.au

You don't have to keep repeating the same painful patterns. Let's work together to help you break free and build the relationships you deserve.

Social Media and Mental Health: Why You Feel More Lonely Than Ever

You're scrolling through Instagram, seeing everyone's highlight reels, and somehow you feel more alone than ever. Sound familiar?

If you're feeling lonely, anxious, or disconnected despite being constantly "connected" online, you're not imagining it. Social media is fundamentally changing how we relate to ourselves and others, and not always for the better.

As a psychotherapist in Elsternwick and Malvern East and Telehealth, who works with clients struggling with anxiety, depression, and relationship issues, I see this pattern constantly. Let me explain what's happening and, more importantly, what you can do about it.

The Loneliness Paradox: More Connected, More Isolated

We live in the most "connected" era in human history. You can instantly message someone across the globe, see what hundreds of people are doing right now, and access endless content with a swipe.

So why do so many people feel lonelier than ever?

The research is clear:

• Studies show increased social media use is linked to higher rates of anxiety and depression

• Young adults who spend more time on social media report feeling more socially isolated

• The rise in loneliness coincides directly with the rise of smartphones and social platforms

• People are having fewer deep, meaningful conversations despite more digital interactions

Here's what's actually happening:

How Social Media Tricks Your Brain

1. Comparison Culture

Social media is a carefully curated highlight reel. You're comparing your behind-the-scenes to everyone else's polished performance.

What you see: Perfect bodies, dream vacations, #couplegoals, career wins, spotless homes

What you don't see: The anxiety, the fights, the debt, the filters, the 47 attempts to get that "candid" shot

The result: You feel like everyone else has it figured out except you. This constant comparison triggers feelings of inadequacy, envy, and low self-worth.

2. Shallow Connections Replace Deep Ones

A "like" feels like connection. A comment feels like conversation. But these interactions are fundamentally different from actual human connection.

Real connection requires:

• Vulnerability and authenticity

• Presence and attention

• Reciprocal emotional sharing

• Body language, tone, eye contact

Social media offers:

• Curated, edited versions of ourselves

• Distracted, partial attention

• Performance for an audience

• Text and images without nuance

The result: You have 847 "friends" online but no one to call when you're struggling at 2am. You're surrounded by connection but starved for intimacy.

3. The Validation Trap

Every like, comment, and share triggers a dopamine hit—the same brain chemical involved in addiction. Your brain starts craving this external validation.

What happens:

• You post something and anxiously check for likes

• Fewer likes than expected? You feel rejected, anxious, unworthy

• Lots of likes? Brief high, then you need more

• You start curating your life for likes rather than living authentically

The result: Your self-worth becomes tied to external validation from people who barely know you. You lose touch with your own sense of value and identity.

4. FOMO (Fear of Missing Out)

Social media creates the illusion that everyone is always doing something amazing—and you're missing it.

The pattern:

• See friends at a party you weren't invited to

• Watch people traveling while you're stuck at work

• Notice everyone seems to have plans while you're home alone

• Feel excluded, inadequate, left behind

The result: Chronic anxiety, restlessness, and the sense that your life isn't measuring up. You can't be present where you are because you're fixated on where you're not.

5. The Illusion of Intimacy

Knowing what someone had for breakfast or seeing their vacation photos creates a false sense of closeness.

You feel like:

• You know people because you see their posts

• You're maintaining friendships through likes and comments

• You're staying connected to your community

But actually:

• You're consuming content about people's lives, not participating in them

• Passive scrolling replaces active engagement

• Digital presence substitutes for real presence

The result: Relationships become transactional and superficial. You feel lonely even when surrounded by "friends."

Signs Social Media Is Affecting Your Mental Health

You might be struggling if you:

✓ Feel anxious or inadequate after scrolling
✓ Compare yourself constantly to others online
✓ Feel FOMO when you see others' posts
✓ Check your phone first thing in the morning and last thing at night
✓ Feel compelled to document experiences rather than enjoy them
✓ Get anxious when you can't check your phone
✓ Notice your mood is tied to likes/comments
✓ Spend hours scrolling without realising it
✓ Feel more disconnected from people despite being "connected"
✓ Struggle with loneliness despite having many online connections

If several of these resonate, it's time to make changes.

What You Can Do: Practical Strategies

1. Do a Social Media Audit

Track your usage honestly for one week:

• How much time are you spending on each platform?

• How do you feel before vs. after scrolling?

• What triggers you to open apps?

• Which platforms/accounts make you feel worse?

Use your phone's screen time feature. Most people are shocked by the results.

2. Curate Your Feed Intentionally

Unfollow, mute, or hide:

• Accounts that trigger comparison or envy

• People who make you feel inadequate

• Content that increases anxiety

• Toxic or draining accounts

Follow instead:

• Accounts that inspire or educate

• People who are authentic and real

• Content that adds genuine value

• Communities that support your wellbeing

Your feed should serve you, not stress you.

3. Set Boundaries

Try these boundaries:

• No phones in the bedroom

• No scrolling first thing in the morning or before bed

• Designated phone-free times (meals, with friends, after 9pm)

• Delete apps from your phone (access via browser only)

• Turn off all non-essential notifications

• Set app time limits

The goal: Intentional use, not automatic scrolling.

4. Prioritize Real Connection

Replace digital interaction with:

• Phone calls instead of texts

• In-person meetups instead of DMs

• Quality time without phones present

• Joining local groups or activities in Elsternwick, Malvern East, or your area

• Vulnerable conversations with trusted people

One meaningful conversation does more for your mental health than 100 likes.

5. Practice Digital Detoxes

Start small:

• One phone-free evening per week

• Weekend mornings without scrolling

• One full day per month completely offline

Notice what happens:

• How do you feel without constant stimulation?

• What do you do with the extra time?

• Do you feel more present and connected?

Many of my therapy clients report that regular digital detoxes significantly improve their mood and relationships.

6. Challenge Comparison Thoughts

When you notice yourself comparing:

• Remind yourself: "This is their highlight reel, not their reality"

• Ask: "Would I trade my entire life for theirs, or just this one moment?"

• Practice gratitude for what you have

• Recognize filtered and edited content for what it is

Remember: Everyone struggles. Social media just hides it.

7. Reconnect With Yourself

Social media disconnects you from your own internal experience. Reconnect by:

• Journaling without sharing

• Doing activities you enjoy without documenting them

• Sitting with your thoughts without distraction

• Exploring what YOU want, not what gets likes

• Building a sense of self-worth independent of external validation

This is where therapy can be incredibly helpful.

When to Seek Professional Help

Consider therapy if:

• Social media is significantly impacting your mood and self-esteem

• You feel unable to reduce your usage despite wanting to

• Loneliness and disconnection are affecting your daily life

• Anxiety or depression is worsening

• You're struggling with comparison, FOMO, or validation-seeking

• Your relationships are suffering due to phone use

You don't have to navigate this alone.

The Reality of Connection

Here's the truth: Social media isn't inherently bad. It can help you stay in touch with distant loved ones, find communities, and access support.

But it becomes problematic when:

• It replaces real connection rather than supplements it

• It becomes compulsive rather than intentional

• It makes you feel worse rather than better

• It consumes hours that could be spent on meaningful activities

Real connection—the kind that actually nourishes your mental health—requires:

• Presence without distraction

• Vulnerability and authenticity

• Reciprocal emotional intimacy

• Time, attention, and intention

You can't get that through a screen.

Finding Balance in Melbroune, Australia & Beyond

Whether you're dealing with social media-induced anxiety, loneliness, or disconnection, therapy can help you:

• Understand your relationship with technology

• Develop healthier digital habits

• Build genuine connections in your life

• Process feelings of inadequacy and comparison

• Reconnect with your authentic self

• Address underlying anxiety, depression, or loneliness

The goal isn't to eliminate social media—it's to create a healthier relationship with it.

Ready to Feel More Connected?

I'm Indi Bruch, an integrative psychotherapist offering therapy for adults struggling with anxiety, depression, loneliness, and the challenges of modern life—including social media's impact on mental health.

I offer:

• In-person therapy in Elsternwick and Malvern East

• Telehealth/online therapy across Australia

• Trauma-informed, compassionate care

• Practical strategies for real-world challenges

Currently accepting new clients.

If social media is affecting your mental health, relationships, or sense of self, let's talk about it.

📧 Book your free consultation: www.indibruch.com.au

You deserve real connection, not just digital likes. Let's work together to help you feel less lonely and more authentically connected.

Key Takeaways

✓ Social media can increase loneliness despite increased "connection"
✓ Comparison culture, shallow interactions, and validation-seeking harm mental health
✓ You can change your relationship with social media through boundaries and intentional use
✓ Real connection requires presence, vulnerability, and authenticity
✓ Professional support can help you navigate these challenges

Remember: It's not healthy without real, meaningful connection. And you deserve that.

What to Do After Your Therapy Session: A Complete Self-Care Guide

You've just finished your therapy session. Now what?

Whether you've had your session in-person in Elsternwick or Malvern East, or via telehealth from the comfort of your home, the time immediately after therapy can feel surprisingly disorienting. You might feel raw, emotional, exhausted, or unexpectedly energized. All of these reactions are completely normal.

Many clients tell me they don't know what to do with themselves after a session ends. They jump straight back into work, rush to pick up the kids, or scroll through their phone trying to distract from the emotions that surfaced.

But here's the truth: what you do after your therapy session matters almost as much as what happens during it.

Let me share why post-session self-care is crucial and give you practical strategies to help you integrate your therapeutic work into lasting change.

Why Post-Session Care Matters

Therapy isn't just the 60 minutes you spend in the room (or on the screen for telehealth clients). The real transformation happens in how you process, integrate, and apply what emerged during your session.

During your session, you're stirring up emotions, memories, and insights that may have been buried or avoided. You're examining patterns, challenging beliefs, and exploring vulnerable parts of yourself. That's deep work—and it doesn't just stop when the session ends.

What happens after your session:

• Your nervous system may still be activated

• Emotions continue to surface and process

• Insights deepen and integrate

• Your brain is making new connections

• You're more vulnerable than usual

This is why rushing straight back into demands and distractions can feel jarring—and why intentional post-session care helps you get the most from your therapeutic work.

Common Post-Therapy Session Feelings

First, let's normalize what you might be experiencing:

Emotional: Raw or tender, sad or tearful, angry, relieved, anxious, vulnerable, hopeful, or numb

Physical: Exhausted or drained, restless energy, tension, headache, heaviness or lightness in your body

Mental: Clarity or insight, confusion, racing thoughts, mental fog, continued processing

All of these are normal. Therapy brings things to the surface, and your system needs time to settle and integrate.

Immediate Self-Care: The First Hour After Your Session

1. Don't Rush Back to Demands

If possible, give yourself 30-60 minutes of buffer time.

For in-person therapy in Elsternwick or Malvern East:

• Don't schedule back-to-back commitments

• Build in travel time plus transition time

• Consider grabbing a coffee and sitting quietly before heading home

• Take a walk around the local area before getting in your car

For telehealth/online therapy:

• Block out 30 minutes after your session in your calendar

• Don't jump straight into work meetings or emails

• Close your laptop and step away from screens

• Change your physical space if possible

2. Ground Yourself

After stirring up emotions and memories, your nervous system may need grounding.

Quick grounding techniques:

5-4-3-2-1 Sensory Grounding: Name 5 things you can see, 4 you can touch, 3 you can hear, 2 you can smell, 1 you can taste

Physical Grounding: Feel your feet on the floor, press your hands together, hold a cold or warm drink, splash water on your face

Breathing: Box breathing (in for 4, hold for 4, out for 4, hold for 4) or deep belly breaths

3. Hydrate and Nourish

Emotional work is physically draining. Drink water, have a small snack if you're hungry, and avoid immediately reaching for alcohol or substances to numb feelings.

4. Move Your Body Gently

Movement helps process emotions that get stuck in the body.

Good options: Gentle walk, stretching or yoga, dancing to music you love, simple physical tasks

Avoid if it doesn’t feel right: Intense workouts that suppress emotions, or sitting completely still if you feel restless

5. Allow Emotions Without Judgment

If tears come, let them. If anger surfaces, acknowledge it. If you feel nothing, that's okay too.

Remember: Emotions aren't "good" or "bad"—they're information. Your job isn't to fix or stop them, just to allow them to move through you.

Extended Self-Care: The Rest of Your Day

Journal or Reflect

Writing helps integrate insights and process emotions that surfaced.

Helpful prompts: What came up for me today? What felt most significant? What am I noticing in my body? What insights am I making?

You don't need to write a novel—even a few sentences help.

Be Gentle With Yourself

Think of yourself as recovering from emotional surgery.

This might mean: Saying no to social obligations, asking for help, lowering productivity expectations, going to bed early, choosing comforting activities.

Avoid Numbing or Escaping

It's tempting to immediately distract yourself from uncomfortable feelings.

Watch out for: Hours of mindless scrolling, binge drinking or substance use, overworking, compulsive shopping or eating, picking fights

Instead, try: Sitting with discomfort for even 5 minutes, calling a supportive friend, engaging in mindful activities (cooking, gardening, creating art), gentle self-soothing (warm bath, cozy blanket, favorite tea)

Connect (If It Feels Right)

Some people need solitude after therapy. Others need connection. Know your needs and honor them.

Special Considerations for Telehealth Therapy

Online therapy offers incredible convenience and accessibility, but it requires extra intentionality around post-session care.

Challenges: You're in your home/office, surrounded by normal responsibilities. There's no transition time or drive home to decompress.

Solutions:

Create physical transition: Move to a different room, go outside for 5 minutes, change your clothes, open a window

Use ritual to mark the end: Light a candle at the start and blow it out at the end, have a specific post-therapy tea, play a particular song

Protect your time: Put "DO NOT DISTURB" on your door, set expectations with housemates/family, block your calendar for buffer time

Leverage the comfort of home: Change into cozy clothes, wrap yourself in a soft blanket, spend time with pets, move to your most comforting space

What to Do If You Feel Worse After Therapy

This is normal, especially in the beginning. Therapy often feels worse before it feels better because you're facing things you've been avoiding and feeling emotions you've been suppressing.

When to reach out to your therapist: If you're experiencing suicidal thoughts, self-harm urges, overwhelming distress that isn't settling, or feeling unsafe.

Most therapists (including myself) welcome check-ins between sessions if you're struggling.

Between Sessions: Ongoing Integration

The work doesn't stop when you leave the therapy room.

Continue processing: Notice patterns in your daily life, apply insights to current situations, practice skills discussed, journal about what comes up

Practice new behaviors: Small steps matter—setting one boundary, trying one new coping strategy, noticing one trigger before reacting

Track your progress: Note how you're feeling week to week, situations that triggered you, moments of progress or insight

Be patient with yourself: Healing isn't linear. You'll have good days and hard days, breakthroughs and setbacks. All of this is normal.

Creating Your Personal Post-Session Ritual

Everyone's self-care needs are different. Consider: Do I need solitude or connection? What helps me feel grounded? What soothes my nervous system?

Sample rituals:

The Gentle Transition (30 minutes): Deep breathing, walk around the block, journal key insights, hydrate and have a snack

The Cozy Integration (45 minutes): Change into comfortable clothes, make tea, sit somewhere comfortable and just be, journal or doodle, gentle stretching

The Active Processor (1 hour): Walk in nature, voice memo your thoughts, stop for coffee, journal when you get home, shower or bath

Experiment and adjust until you find what works for you.

Self-Care Resources in Elsternwick and Malvern East

If you attend in-person therapy, consider:

• Walking in local parks and gardens

• Sitting in a quiet cafe

• Finding a peaceful bench or green space

• Treating yourself to something small and comforting

The beauty of these suburbs: There are quiet, accessible spaces to process and decompress nearby.

Final Thoughts: You're Doing Hard Work

If you're in therapy, you're doing one of the hardest, bravest things a person can do: facing yourself honestly and working toward change.

That deserves care, respect, and gentleness.

Post-session self-care isn't indulgent or optional—it's essential. It's how you honor the vulnerability of the work, support your nervous system, and integrate insights into lasting change.

Remember:

• Therapy stirs things up—that's the point

• Feeling tender after a session is normal

• Your job is to create space for integration

• Healing takes time and patience

• You deserve care and support

Whether you're seeing a therapist in person in Elsternwick or Malvern East, or connecting via telehealth from anywhere, please give yourself the gift of time and gentleness after your sessions.

Your future self will thank you.

Ready to Start Your Therapy Journey?

I'm Indi Bruch, an integrative psychotherapist offering both in-person therapy in Elsternwick and Malvern East and telehealth sessions across Australia for adults navigating anxiety, depression, trauma, relationship challenges, and life transitions.

What you can expect:

• Trauma-informed, compassionate care

• Flexible approach tailored to your needs

• Safe, non-judgmental space

• Support for post-session integration

Currently accepting new clients for both in-person and online/telehealth sessions.

📧 Book your free consultation: www.indibruch.com.au

You don't have to do this alone. Let's talk.

Frequently Asked Questions

How long should I wait before returning to normal activities after therapy? Ideally, give yourself 30-60 minutes of buffer time. At minimum, 15 minutes of grounding and transition time can help.

Is it normal to feel worse after therapy? Yes, especially in the beginning. Therapy brings difficult emotions to the surface. This usually means the therapy is working. However, if you feel unsafe or overwhelmed, contact your therapist.

What if I can't take time off work for therapy? Consider telehealth/online therapy during lunch breaks or early morning, schedule sessions at the end of your workday, or use personal time for therapy appointments—your mental health is health.

Can I contact my therapist between sessions if I'm struggling? Most therapists welcome appropriate between-session contact, especially if you're experiencing a crisis or significant distress. Check your therapist's policy.

What is Trauma-Informed Therapy? Understanding Why It Matters

You've probably heard the term "trauma-informed" when searching for a therapist. But what does it actually mean—and why does it matter for your healing journey?

As a psychotherapist, I practice trauma-informed therapy because I understand that past experiences shape how we show up in the world today. Whether or not you identify as having experienced "trauma," a trauma-informed approach creates a safer, more effective therapeutic experience for everyone.

Let me explain what trauma-informed practice really means and why it might be exactly what you're looking for.

What Does "Trauma-Informed" Actually Mean?

Trauma-informed therapy isn't a specific technique—it's a way of understanding and approaching the therapeutic relationship that recognizes the widespread impact of trauma and prioritises safety, choice, and empowerment.

In simple terms: A trauma-informed therapist understands that difficult past experiences affect how you think, feel, and relate to others today. They create a therapeutic environment designed to feel safe rather than retraumatising.

You Don't Need a "Trauma Diagnosis" to Benefit

Here's something important: trauma-informed therapy isn't just for people with PTSD or who've experienced obvious traumatic events.

Trauma can include:

• Childhood emotional neglect or invalidation

• Bullying or social rejection

• Medical procedures or illness

• Relationship betrayals

• Discrimination or marginalization

• Growing up in an unpredictable environment

• Loss and grief

• Any experience that overwhelmed your ability to cope

If you've ever felt like you're "overreacting" to situations, struggle to trust others, or find yourself shutting down emotionally—a trauma-informed approach can help you understand why.

The Core Principles of Trauma-Informed Therapy

1. Safety First

Everything starts with creating a safe therapeutic environment—physically, emotionally, and psychologically. This means:

• You're never forced to talk about anything before you're ready

• Clear boundaries and expectations

• Predictable, consistent sessions

• A space free from judgment

In my practice: I'm transparent about what to expect in therapy, respect your pace, and prioritize your comfort above all else.

2. Trustworthiness and Transparency

Trauma often damages our ability to trust. A trauma-informed therapist:

• Is clear and honest about the therapeutic process

• Explains what's happening and why

• Doesn't have hidden agendas

• Follows through on commitments

3. Choice and Control

Trauma often involves a loss of control. Trauma-informed therapy gives you back your agency:

• You decide what we talk about

• You choose the pace of our work

• You have input into treatment goals and methods

• "No" is always respected

In practice: I might offer different ways to explore an issue and let you choose what feels right. If something doesn't feel helpful, we try something else.

4. Collaboration and Mutuality

You're not a passive recipient of treatment—you're an active partner in your healing. This means:

• Shared decision-making

• Your expertise about your own experience is valued

• We work together, not therapist "doing therapy to" you

5. Empowerment and Strengths-Based

Rather than focusing on what's "wrong" with you, trauma-informed therapy recognizes:

• The incredible strength it took to survive

• Your resilience and coping strategies

• Your capacity for healing and growth

You're not broken. You adapted to difficult circumstances, and now we're helping you develop new adaptations that serve you better.

How Trauma-Informed Therapy Looks Different in Practice

Traditional Therapy Might Ask:

"What's wrong with you?"

Trauma-Informed Therapy Asks:

"What happened to you?"

This shift changes everything. Instead of treating symptoms as personal failures, we understand them as adaptive responses to difficult experiences.

In My Sessions, This Means:

I don't push you to talk about painful experiences before you're ready. We build safety and resources first. Healing doesn't require reliving trauma in graphic detail.

I pay attention to your nervous system responses. If you seem to shut down or become activated, we slow down and regulate before continuing.

I respect your coping mechanisms. Even behaviors that feel problematic served a purpose once. We work with them, not against them.

I understand that "resistance" is often protection. If you're reluctant to engage with something, there's usually a good reason. We explore that rather than pushing through.

I recognize that trust takes time. I don't expect you to open up immediately or feel comfortable right away. Building safety is part of the work.

Why Trauma-Informed Therapy Works

Research consistently shows that trauma-informed approaches lead to better outcomes because they:

Reduce retraumatisation: Therapy itself doesn't recreate the powerlessness or lack of safety you experienced before

Build genuine safety: Not just intellectually understanding you're safe, but feeling it in your body

Honour your autonomy: Giving you back the control trauma took away

Work with your nervous system: Understanding that healing happens in the body, not just the mind

Create sustainable change: Building on your strengths rather than just managing symptoms

Common Signs You Might Benefit from Trauma-Informed Therapy

You might benefit from a trauma-informed approach if you:

• Feel like you're "too much" or need to hide parts of yourself

• Struggle to trust others, even people who seem trustworthy

• Have strong emotional reactions that feel out of proportion

• Shut down or disconnect when stressed

• Find yourself people-pleasing or struggling to say no

• Experience unexplained anxiety or hypervigilance

• Have difficulty feeling safe, even in objectively safe situations

• Notice patterns of relationships that repeat painful dynamics

• Feel disconnected from your body or emotions

• Carry shame about how you cope with stress

None of this means you're broken. It means you're responding to experiences that were overwhelming at the time.

What to Expect in Trauma-Informed Therapy

We Start Slow

Building safety and establishing a trusting relationship comes before diving into painful material. This isn't wasted time—it's essential foundation.

You're in Control

You decide what we work on and when. If something feels too much, we slow down or switch gears. Your "no" is always respected.

We Work with Your Body

Trauma lives in the nervous system. We pay attention to physical sensations, grounding, and regulation—not just talking about feelings.

No Forced Disclosure

You never have to share details of traumatic experiences unless and until you want to. Healing doesn't require graphic retelling.

We Build Resources First

Before processing difficult experiences, we develop coping skills, grounding techniques, and internal resources to keep you stable.

Progress Isn't Linear

Healing from trauma takes time and rarely moves in a straight line. We honor your pace and celebrate small wins.

Trauma-Informed Therapy and Other Approaches

My integrative approach means I combine trauma-informed principles with various therapeutic modalities:

ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy): Helps you develop psychological flexibility and move toward your values even in the presence of difficult emotions

Person-Centered Therapy: Provides the unconditional positive regard and safety that trauma-informed work requires

Gestalt Therapy: Supports present-moment awareness and reconnection with your body and emotions

Psychodynamic Therapy: Explores how past experiences shape current patterns without forcing premature disclosure

Narrative Therapy: Helps you separate yourself from trauma-based identities and rewrite your story

Creative Therapies: Offers ways to process experiences that words alone can't capture

All of these approaches, when delivered through a trauma-informed lens, create a comprehensive path to healing.

Finding a Trauma-Informed Therapist

When searching for a therapist, look for someone who:

✓ Explicitly mentions trauma-informed practice
✓ Emphasizes safety and your autonomy
✓ Doesn't pressure you to disclose details immediately
✓ Respects your pace and boundaries
✓ Understands that "difficult" behaviors are often protective
✓ Works collaboratively rather than prescriptively
✓ Has training in trauma-specific modalities

In our initial consultation, notice:

• Do you feel heard and respected?

• Does the therapist explain what to expect?

• Are you given choices about how to proceed?

• Does it feel safe to say no or express concerns?

Trust your gut. Your nervous system knows what feels safe.

The Bottom Line: You Deserve Trauma-Informed Care

Whether you identify as having experienced trauma or simply want a therapeutic approach that prioritizes safety, respect, and your autonomy, trauma-informed therapy offers a path to healing that honors your experience and empowers your recovery.

Healing is possible. You don't have to do it alone. And you deserve a therapeutic relationship that feels safe from the very beginning.

Ready to Experience Trauma-Informed Therapy?

I provide integrative, trauma-informed therapy for adults navigating anxiety, depression, relationship challenges, life transitions, and the ongoing effects of difficult experiences.

What you can expect:

• A safe, non-judgmental space

• Respect for your pace and boundaries

• Collaborative, empowering therapy

• Integration of multiple evidence-based approaches

• Genuine care for your wellbeing

I'm currently accepting new clients. Contact me today for a free consultation to see if we're a good fit.

Your healing matters. Let's talk.

Frequently Asked Questions

Do I need to have PTSD to benefit from trauma-informed therapy?
Not at all. Trauma-informed therapy benefits anyone who's experienced overwhelming or difficult life events, even if you don't meet criteria for PTSD.

Will I have to talk about traumatic experiences in detail?
No. Healing doesn't require graphic retelling. We work at your pace and only explore what feels safe and helpful.

How is trauma-informed therapy different from regular therapy?
It prioritizes safety, choice, and collaboration. It understands symptoms as adaptive responses rather than pathology, and it works with your nervous system, not just your thoughts.

How long does trauma-informed therapy take?
This varies greatly depending on your goals and experiences. Some people benefit from short-term work, while others engage in longer-term therapy. We'll discuss this together.

What if I don't feel safe with a therapist?
Trust your instincts. A good trauma-informed therapist welcomes conversations about safety and fit. If something doesn't feel right, it's okay to find a different therapist.

What Makes Therapy Work? The Key Factors for Real Change in Counselling and Psychotherapy

Are you wondering if therapy will actually help you? You're not alone. Many people considering counselling or psychotherapy ask themselves: "Will this really work for me?" Understanding what makes therapy effective can help you feel more confident in taking that first step toward change.

As a psychotherapist, I've witnessed clients transform their lives through therapy. But what actually creates lasting change? Let's explore the essential factors that make counselling work and how you can maximise your therapeutic journey.

The Therapeutic Relationship: Your Foundation for Change

The most important factor in successful therapy isn't the technique, it's the relationship between you and your therapist.

Research consistently shows that the therapeutic relationship (also called the "therapeutic alliance") accounts for up to 30% of positive outcomes in counselling. This means finding a therapist you trust, feel comfortable with, and connect with is crucial to your success.

What Makes a Strong Therapeutic Relationship?

• Trust and safety: Feeling safe enough to be vulnerable without judgment

• Genuine empathy: A therapist who truly understands your experience

• Collaborative approach: Working together as partners in your healing

• Consistent presence: Reliability and attunement to your needs

When you feel heard, understood, and accepted by your therapist, you're more likely to open up, explore difficult emotions, and make meaningful changes in your life.

Your Readiness for Change: The Motivation Factor

Therapy works best when you're ready to engage in the process.

While it's normal to feel nervous or uncertain about starting therapy, your willingness to:

• Explore uncomfortable feelings and patterns

• Be honest about your struggles

• Try new perspectives and behaviours

• Commit to the therapeutic process

...significantly impacts your outcomes. You don't need to have all the answers or feel completely ready—but some openness to change makes all the difference.

Signs You're Ready for Therapy:

• You recognise that something needs to change

• You're willing to look at your role in patterns

• You're open to exploring your emotions

• You can commit to regular sessions

• You're seeking understanding, not just quick fixesThe Right Therapeutic Approach for Your Needs

Consistency and Commitment: The Power of Showing Up

Real change in therapy takes time and consistent effort.

While some people experience relief after just a few sessions, deeper, lasting transformation typically requires:

• Regular attendance (weekly sessions are ideal for most people)

• Time between sessions to practice new insights

• Patience with the non-linear nature of healing

• Willingness to stay engaged even when it's hard

Think of therapy like going to the gym—one session feels good, but consistent practice creates lasting change.

Between-Session Work: Taking Therapy Into Your Life

The most effective therapy extends beyond the counselling room.

What happens between your therapy sessions matters enormously:

• Reflecting on insights from your sessions

• Noticing patterns in your daily life

• Practicing new coping strategiesJournaling or completing therapeutic exercises

• Being mindful of your emotions and triggers

• Clients who actively engage with therapy between sessions—even in small ways—tend to see faster and more sustainable results.

Your Goals and Expectations: Clarity Creates Progress

Having clear (but flexible) goals helps therapy stay focused and effective.

When you start counselling, it helps to identify:

What you want to change or understand

What success looks like for you

What specific issues are most pressing

How you'll know when you're making progress

Your goals might shift as therapy progresses—and that's completely normal. The key is having some direction while remaining open to discovery.

Creating a Safe Space: The Importance of Non-Judgmental Support

Healing happens when you feel completely accepted.

One of the most powerful factors in therapy is experiencing unconditional positive regard—being fully accepted without judgment. This safe space allows you to:

• Share your deepest fears and shame

• Explore parts of yourself you've hidden

• Make mistakes without criticism

• Be vulnerable without fear

When you trust that your therapist truly sees you without judgment, you can do the deep work necessary for real transformation.

Timing and Life Circumstances: When You're Ready

Sometimes the timing of therapy matters as much as the therapy itself.You're more likely to benefit from counselling when:

• You have some emotional capacity to engage

• Your life circumstances allow for regular sessions

• You have at least minimal support outside therapy

• You're not in acute crisis (though crisis counselling can help stabilize you first)

That said, there's rarely a "perfect" time for therapy—sometimes you just need to start.

Finding the Right Therapist for You

The "best" therapist is the one who's best for YOU.

When searching for a counsellor or psychotherapist, consider:

• Their therapeutic approach and specializations

• Their experience with issues similar to yours

• Whether you feel comfortable with them

• Practical factors (location, availability, fees)

• Your gut feeling about whether they're a good fit

• Don't settle for a therapist who doesn't feel right—the relationship is too important to compromise.

Ready to Start Your Journey?

Change is possible, and therapy can be the catalyst you need.

If you're struggling with anxiety, depression, relationship issues, trauma, or simply feeling stuck, counselling can help you understand yourself more deeply and create lasting change.

The factors that make therapy work—a strong therapeutic relationship, your commitment to the process, the right approach for your needs, and a safe, non-judgmental space—are all within reach.

You deserve support. You deserve to feel better. You deserve a therapist who truly listens.

If you're ready to explore how therapy can help you, I invite you to reach out for a free consultation. Let's talk about what you're experiencing and whether we'd be a good fit to work together.

Talk to potential therapists about what you're struggling with. A good therapist will explain whether their approach is a good fit for your needs and may recommend alternatives if it's not.

Ready to experience the transformative power of therapy? Contact me today to schedule your free consultation and take the first step toward meaningful change.

What Your Melbourne Therapist Wants You to Know (But Might Not Always Say Out Loud)

As a Melbourne-based psychotherapist and counsellor, I've had the privilege of walking alongside many people through their healing journey. Whether you're in Fitzroy, Richmond, St Kilda, East Malvern or anywhere across our beautiful city, there are universal truths about the therapy process that I wish every client—past, present, and future—could truly understand.

After practicing here in Melbourne, from the CBD to the outer suburbs, I've noticed that clients often carry the same worries, fears, and misconceptions about therapy. Today, I want to share some insights that might help you feel more comfortable about taking that first step, or continuing on your therapeutic journey right here in our city.

We're Not Judging You (Really, We're Not)

This might be the biggest misconception I encounter in my Melbourne practice. Whether you're dealing with anxiety about work pressure in Collins Street, relationship difficulties in your Toorak apartment, or trauma from your past growing up in Melbourne's western suburbs, clients often worry that we're silently judging their choices, behaviours, or experiences.

Here's the truth: we're not.

That embarrassing thing you did last weekend? That family secret you've never told anyone? That addiction you're struggling with? That mistake that keeps you awake at night? We've heard it before, and our job is to create a safe, non-judgmental space—not to be the moral police.

As therapists practicing in Melbourne, we see the full spectrum of human experience. We understand the pressures of city life, the isolation that can come with urban living, and the unique challenges that face Melburnians—from cost of living stress to weather-related seasonal depression. Your struggles don't shock us; they make you human.

Healing Isn't Linear (Especially in Melbourne's Ups and Downs)

If you've lived in Melbourne for any length of time, you know our city's famous "four seasons in one day" weather pattern. Healing from trauma, grief, anxiety, or depression follows a similar unpredictable pattern—and that's completely normal.

In my practice, I regularly see clients who've made incredible progress, only to feel like they've taken steps backward when they have a difficult day or week. Maybe it's triggered by a tough day at work in the CBD, a relationship conflict, or even something as simple as a particularly grey Melbourne winter day affecting your mood.

Progress in therapy looks more like Melbourne's laneways—full of twists, turns, and unexpected discoveries—rather than a straight tram line from Point A to Point B. Some days you'll feel strong and optimistic. Other days, you might feel like you're back at square one. Both are part of the healing process.

Bad days don't erase your progress. If you have a panic attack after months of feeling better, or if you find yourself crying in your car after a triggering event, it doesn't mean you've failed or that therapy isn't working. It means you're human, living a real life in a complex city with real stressors and challenges.

You Don't Have to Wait Until You're "Ready" to Start Therapy in Melbourne

One of the most common things I hear from new clients in my Melbourne practice is: "I probably should have come sooner, but I kept waiting until I felt ready."

Here's what I want every Melburnian, heck every Australian, to know: there's no perfect time to start therapy. You don't need to have your life completely falling apart to justify seeking help, and you don't need to have everything figured out before you walk through our door.

Whether you're a student at Melbourne University struggling with academic pressure, a young professional in Southbank dealing with career stress, a parent in the suburbs feeling overwhelmed, or a retiree in Brighton facing life transitions—you can start therapy exactly where you are.

You don't need to:

• Have a complete breakdown first

• Be able to articulate exactly what's wrong

• Have tried everything else

• Be "sick enough" to deserve help

• Wait until you have more time or money

• Fix yourself before getting help

The therapeutic process can begin with something as simple as: "I don't feel like myself lately" or "I think I need someone to talk to." That's enough. That's more than enough.

We Think About You Between Sessions (In the Most Professional Way)

This might surprise some clients, but we do think about you between our weekly or fortnightly sessions. Not in a way that violates professional boundaries, but in a caring, professional manner that helps us provide better support.

After you leave my Melbourne practice, I might reflect on something you shared, consider a new therapeutic approach that could help you, or think about resources that might be beneficial. I might wonder how you're handling that job interview you were nervous about, or how you're managing that family conflict we discussed.

This professional care extends beyond our Malvern East based or Telehealth sessions. When I'm walking through the Royal Botanic Gardens, I might think of a mindfulness technique that could help a client dealing with anxiety. When I read about mental health resources available in Melbourne, I consider which clients might benefit.

This reflection and consideration is part of what makes therapy effective. We're not just present during your session and then completely disconnect until next week—your progress and wellbeing matter to us as professionals.

You Don't Have to Perform for Us

Melbourne has a reputation for being a bit reserved, and I often see this show up in therapy sessions. Clients sometimes feel pressure to be articulate, insightful, or emotionally "put together" during our time together. They worry about crying, being angry, or not having breakthrough moments every session.

Let me be clear: you don't need to perform for us.

You don't need to:

• Have profound insights every session

• Be eloquent when discussing your feelings

• Come to therapy with your emotions neatly organized

• Have breakthrough moments on schedule

• Avoid crying or getting upset

• Be grateful or positive all the time

• Make progress at a certain pace

Some of my most meaningful sessions with Melbourne clients have been ones where they simply sat and cried. Or sessions where they said, "I don't know what to talk about today." Or sessions where they were angry at me, at themselves, or at their circumstances.

Sometimes the most therapeutic thing you can do is just show up authentically—messy, confused, angry, sad, or overwhelmed. That's not just okay; that's often where the real work happens.

We Can Handle Your Pain (We're Trained for This)

As a trauma-informed therapist practicing in Melbourne, I want you to know that your pain—no matter how intense, complicated, or overwhelming it feels, won't break us. We're specifically trained to hold space for difficult emotions and traumatic experiences.

Your trauma history, your suicidal thoughts, your rage, your grief, your addiction, your family secrets, we can handle all of it. That's literally what we went to school for, what we've trained for, and what we do every day in our Melbourne practices.

I've worked with clients dealing with:

• Complex trauma and PTSD

• Severe depression and suicidal ideation

• Substance abuse and addiction

• Domestic violence and abuse

• Grief and complicated loss

• Anxiety disorders and panic attacks

• Eating disorders and body image issues

• Workplace trauma and bullying

Your particular combination of struggles doesn't scare us or overwhelm us. We have professional training, ongoing supervision, and personal therapy to ensure we can show up fully for your healing process without becoming overwhelmed ourselves.

You're not "too much" for therapy. You're not "too broken" to be helped. Your pain is not a burden—it's the raw material we work with to help you heal.

It's Okay to Disagree with Us (Really)

Good therapy happens when you feel safe enough to be completely honest—and that includes being honest when you disagree with something we've said or suggested. We're human beings, and sometimes we get things wrong, misunderstand, or suggest something that doesn't feel right for you.

In my Melbourne practice, I actually encourage clients to push back when something doesn't resonate. If I suggest a coping strategy that feels impossible, say so. If I interpret something in a way that doesn't feel accurate, tell me. If you think I'm moving too fast or too slow, let me know.

This kind of honest feedback makes therapy more effective. It helps us understand you better and adjust our approach to better serve your needs. It also helps you practice advocating for yourself—a skill that will serve you well beyond our therapy sessions.

Some of the most important therapeutic breakthroughs I've witnessed have come from moments when clients felt safe enough to tell me I was wrong about something. That's not disrespect—that's engagement and trust.

The Melbourne Mental Health Landscape: You Have Options

Melbourne is fortunate to have a robust mental health community. From the CBD to the outer suburbs, there are therapists specializing in everything from trauma and addiction to couples counseling and eating disorders. If our therapeutic relationship doesn't feel like the right fit, there are other options.

Types of mental health professionals available in Melbourne:

• Clinical psychologists

• Counselling psychologists

• Psychotherapists and counsellors

• Social workers

• Psychiatrists

• Mental health nurses

Melbourne-specific mental health resources:

• Beyond Blue (Melbourne-founded organization)

• Lifeline Australia

• Melbourne-based community health centers

• University counseling services (Melbourne Uni, RMIT, etc.)

• Employee assistance programs through many Melbourne workplaces

Medicare support: Many Melburnians can access subsidized therapy through Medicare Mental Health Plans, which allow for up to 10 subsidized sessions with eligible mental health professionals.

You're Already Doing Better Than You Think

Here's what I see from my perspective as a Melbourne therapist that you might not see from your perspective as someone struggling: the fact that you're reading this, considering therapy, or already engaged in therapeutic work shows incredible strength and self-awareness.

Think about it:

• You recognized that you need support (many people never get here)

• You're willing to be vulnerable with a stranger

• You're investing time and energy in your mental health

• You're facing difficult emotions instead of just numbing them

• You keep showing up, even when it's hard

These aren't small things. These are acts of courage that happen every day in therapy offices across Melbourne, from Fitzroy to Frankston.

I see clients who beat themselves up for still struggling with anxiety after months of therapy, not recognizing that they're now able to leave their house when they previously couldn't. I see clients who criticize themselves for crying in session, not realizing that they're finally allowing themselves to feel emotions they've suppressed for years.

Your progress might not look like what you expected, but it's happening. Sometimes the biggest victory is simply surviving a difficult week. Sometimes progress looks like asking for help instead of suffering in silence. Sometimes it's learning to sit with discomfort instead of immediately trying to fix or escape it.

Addressing Melbourne-Specific Mental Health Challenges

Living in Melbourne comes with unique stressors and challenges that I see regularly in my practice:

Seasonal Affective Challenges: Our infamous grey winters can significantly impact mood and energy levels. Many Melbourne clients struggle with seasonal depression or worsening anxiety during the colder months.

Housing and Cost of Living Stress: Melbourne's competitive rental market and rising cost of living create ongoing stress for many residents, contributing to anxiety and relationship conflicts.

Social Isolation in a Big City: Despite being surrounded by millions of people, many Melburnians experience profound loneliness and isolation, particularly those new to the city or going through major life transitions.

Work Culture and Career Pressure: Melbourne's competitive job market and long commuting times can contribute to burnout, anxiety, and work-related stress.

Traffic and Commute Stress: Whether you're dealing with crowded trains or sitting in traffic on the West Gate Bridge, Melbourne's transport challenges can compound daily stress levels.

These aren't character flaws—they're legitimate environmental stressors that affect mental health. Acknowledging and addressing these Melbourne-specific challenges is part of effective therapy in our city.

Cultural Considerations in Melbourne Therapy

Melbourne is one of the world's most multicultural cities, and this diversity enriches our therapeutic community. However, it also means that effective therapy must be culturally sensitive and aware.

In my practice, I regularly work with clients from diverse cultural backgrounds, including:

• First and second-generation immigrants navigating identity questions

• International students adjusting to life in Melbourne

• Indigenous Australians dealing with intergenerational trauma

• LGBTI+ individuals seeking affirming support

• People from culturally and linguistically diverse (CALD) backgrounds

Good therapy in Melbourne means understanding how cultural background, family expectations, language barriers, and migration experiences impact mental health. It means recognizing that mental health stigma varies across cultures and adjusting approaches accordingly.

What This Means for Your Therapy Journey in Melbourne

If you're considering therapy in Melbourne, here's what I want you to take away from this:

You deserve support. Whether you're dealing with anxiety about living in our fast-paced city, grief over losses, trauma from your past, or simply feeling overwhelmed by life's challenges—you deserve professional support.

Therapy is for everyone. You don't need to be in crisis or have a diagnosed mental illness to benefit from therapy. Many of my Melbourne clients come to therapy for personal growth, better relationships, career decisions, or simply to have a space to process life's complexities.

Finding the right fit matters. Melbourne has many excellent therapists, and finding one whose approach and personality work well with you is important. Don't be afraid to try a few different therapists until you find the right match.

Investment in mental health pays dividends. Therapy is an investment in yourself that impacts every area of your life—your relationships, work performance, physical health, and overall life satisfaction.

Taking the Next Step in Melbourne

If you're ready to begin or continue your therapeutic journey here in Melbourne, consider these practical steps:

1. Determine your needs: Are you looking for short-term support for a specific issue, or longer-term therapy for ongoing challenges?

2. Consider logistics: Do you prefer in-person sessions in the CBD, telehealth from home, or a local practitioner in your suburb?

3. Check your finances: Investigate Medicare Mental Health Plans, private health insurance coverage, or sliding scale options.

4. Research therapists: Look for practitioners who specialize in your particular concerns and whose approach resonates with you.

5. Make contact: Most therapists offer brief initial conversations to discuss whether you might be a good fit for each other.

A Personal Note from Your Melbourne Therapist

As someone who's chosen to practice therapy in this incredible city, I'm constantly amazed by the resilience, creativity, and determination of Melbourne residents. Whether you're a lifelong Melburnian or new to our city, you're part of a community that values growth, creativity, and authenticity.

Seeking therapy doesn't mean you're broken or weak—it means you're committed to living your best life. In a city known for its arts, culture, and innovation, prioritizing your mental health is just another way of investing in your creative potential and personal growth.

Your struggles are valid, your pain matters, and your commitment to healing is something to be proud of. Every day in therapy offices across Melbourne—from the CBD to the suburbs—people are doing the brave work of facing their challenges, processing their pain, and building better lives.

You're not alone in this journey. Whether you're dealing with anxiety about your career, grief over a loss, trauma from your past, or simply the everyday challenges of living in a complex world, support is available right here in Melbourne.

The fact that you've read this far tells me you're already on the path to healing. Trust yourself, trust the process, and know that whatever brought you to consider therapy is valid and worth addressing.

Your healing matters—not just to you, but to our entire Melbourne community. When you heal, you contribute to a healthier, more compassionate city for all of us.

Understanding Different Types of Grief: A Melbourne Therapist's Guide

In my previous post, I explored how sharing the experience of grief is an effective way to not only face our grief but process it. Today, I want to dive deeper into something I see regularly in my practice: the many different faces grief can wear. Understanding that grief isn't a one-size-fits-all experience can be incredibly validating for those who feel like their grief doesn't "look right" or follow expected patterns.

Grief is as individual as the person experiencing it, yet there are recognizable patterns that can help us understand what we or our loved ones might be going through. Let's explore the various types of grief that show up in our lives.

The Grief We Recognize

Traditional Grief

This is what most people think of when they hear the word "grief"—the sorrow that follows the death of someone we love. It's the grief that gets sympathy cards, time off work, and casseroles from neighbours. While deeply painful, traditional grief is socially recognised and supported.

But even within traditional grief, there are variations:

• Acute grief: The intense, overwhelming sorrow in the immediate aftermath of loss

• Integrated grief: When the pain softens and we learn to carry our love for the person alongside the reality of their absence

• Anniversary grief: The renewed intensity that often comes around significant dates

Anticipatory Grief

This is the grief we feel before a loss actually occurs. It might show up when:

• A loved one receives a terminal diagnosis

• Watching a parent struggle with dementia

• Facing the end of a marriage

• Preparing for children to leave home

• Anticipating job loss or major life changes

Anticipatory grief can feel confusing because you're mourning someone or something that's still present. Many people feel guilty about this type of grief, but it's a natural response to impending loss.

The Grief That Hides

Disenfranchised Grief

This is perhaps the loneliest type of grief—loss that isn't socially recognized or supported. Examples include:

• Grief over a miscarriage, especially early pregnancy loss

• Mourning the loss of an ex-partner

• Grieving a pet's death

• Sorrow over infertility

• Grief related to addiction or mental health struggles

• Loss of someone who died by suicide (often complicated by stigma)

• Workplace grief after layoffs or organisational changes

• Being a single parent

• Not having access to mobaility in society due to our social standing/stigma/lack of finances

Disenfranchised grief can be particularly difficult because it lacks the social support systems that help us process other types of loss.

Ambiguous Loss

Psychologist Pauline Boss coined this term to describe losses that lack clarity or closure. There are two types:

Physical ambiguity: When someone is physically absent but psychologically present (missing persons, deployed military, incarcerated family members, a missing person, where you presume that person has died as it has been so long, but there is never a body found)

Psychological ambiguity: When someone is physically present but psychologically absent (dementia, severe mental illness, addiction, traumatic brain injury)

Ambiguous loss is particularly challenging because there's no clear endpoint—no funeral, no closure, no defined mourning period.

The Grief That Lingers

Complicated Grief

Sometimes called prolonged or persistent complex bereavement, this occurs when grief becomes stuck. This can happen when someone experiences multiple losses close together, like a job loss and then two deaths close together. Or when the loss is traumatic. Unlike the natural ebb and flow of typical grief, complicated grief remains intense and doesn't soften over time. Signs might include:

• Intense grief reactions lasting more than a year without improvement

• Inability to accept the reality of the loss

• Extreme avoidance of reminders of the deceased

• Complete inability to move forward with life

• Intense yearning and searching for the deceased

Complicated grief isn't a sign of weakness or "doing grief wrong"—it's a recognized condition that responds well to specialized therapy.

Cumulative Grief

This occurs when someone experiences multiple losses in a short period, or when unresolved grief from past losses gets triggered by new ones. It's like emotional compound interest—each new loss makes the previous ones feel heavier too.

I often see this in:

• Healthcare workers who've lost multiple patients

• People who've experienced several deaths in their family within a short timeframe

• Those dealing with multiple life changes simultaneously (job loss, divorce, and death, for example)

The Hidden Varieties of Modern Grief

Collective Grief

We're currently living through unprecedented levels of collective grief—shared losses that affect entire communities, countries, or even the world. Examples include:

• Pandemic-related losses (lives, normalcy, milestones)

• Climate grief over environmental destruction

• Cultural grief over social changes or political events

• Community grief after mass traumatic events

Identity Grief

This is mourning the loss of who you used to be or who you thought you'd become:

• Grief over lost abilities due to illness or injury

• Mourning career dreams that didn't materialize

• Grieving the person you were before trauma

• Loss of identity after major life transitions (retirement, empty nest, divorce)

• Grief over lost innocence or changed worldview

Fertility Grief

The grief surrounding fertility challenges is profound and often unrecognized:

• Mourning the loss of genetic connection

• Grieving each failed treatment cycle

• Loss of the envisioned family experience

• Grief over the simplicity others seem to have with conception

• Secondary infertility grief when subsequent pregnancies don't occur

Developmental Grief

This occurs when life doesn't unfold as expected:

• Not achieving expected milestones by certain ages

• Grieving the "normal" childhood you didn't have

• Mourning developmental experiences missed due to illness, trauma, or family circumstances

• Loss of innocence through early exposure to adult problems

The Grief We Don't Name

Workplace Grief

Often overlooked, workplace grief can be significant:

• Job loss, especially unexpected termination

• Company culture changes or reorganizations

• Retirement grief—losing identity, purpose, and community

• Grief when a workplace mentor leaves or dies

• Loss of career trajectory due to external circumstances

Relational Grief

Mourning relationships while people are still alive:

• Grief over a friendship that's changed or ended

• Mourning family relationships damaged by conflict

• Loss of the parent-child relationship you wished you had

• Grief over children growing up and changing

• Mourning the marriage you thought you had before infidelity or other betrayals

Spiritual Grief

Loss of faith or spiritual connection:

• Questioning beliefs after traumatic events

• Feeling abandoned by God or the universe

• Loss of community when leaving a religious organization

• Grief over spiritual practices that no longer feel meaningful

Why Understanding Types of Grief Matters

Recognizing these different types of grief serves several important purposes:

Validation: Understanding that your grief "type" is real and recognized can be profoundly validating. You're not overreacting, being dramatic, or taking too long to heal.

Permission: Different types of grief may require different approaches and timelines. Knowing your grief type can give you permission to grieve in the way that feels right for you.

Connection: Realizing others experience similar types of loss can help you feel less alone in your experience.

Treatment: Different types of grief may benefit from different therapeutic approaches. Understanding your grief can help you and your therapist choose the most helpful interventions.

Moving Forward with Your Grief

Regardless of what type of grief you're experiencing, some universal principles apply:

Your grief is valid. Whether it's recognized by society or not, whether it follows traditional patterns or not, your grief matters.

Healing isn't linear. Grief doesn't follow a neat timeline or predictable stages. Expect setbacks, waves, and unexpected triggers.

You don't have to grieve alone. Even if your specific type of grief isn't widely understood, support is available. Sometimes the most healing conversations happen with others who've experienced similar losses.

Different doesn't mean disordered. Just because your grief doesn't look like what others expect doesn't mean you're doing it wrong.

Professional help is available. If your grief feels overwhelming, stuck, or is significantly impacting your daily functioning, a grief-informed therapist can provide valuable support.

Creating Space for All Types of Grief

As a society, we need to expand our understanding of grief beyond death-related loss. We need to create space for:

• The parent grieving their child's mental health diagnosis

• The young adult mourning climate change

• The employee grieving a toxic workplace they had to leave

• The person mourning their pre-trauma self

• The individual grieving relationships that never were what they hoped

When we acknowledge the full spectrum of human grief experiences, we create a more compassionate world—one where people don't have to suffer alone with losses that "don't count" or grief that doesn't fit neat categories.

Finding Your Grief Story

If you're reading this and recognizing your own grief experience in these descriptions, know that understanding what type of grief you're experiencing is just the first step. The real work—and the real healing—happens in the gentle, patient process of learning to carry your loss while still engaging with life.

Your grief deserves attention, care, and support, regardless of what type it is or how it compares to others' experiences. In a world that often rushes to fix or minimize difficult emotions, choosing to honor your grief—in all its complexity—is an act of courage and self-compassion.

The Shared Weight of Grief: Finding Connection in Our Collective Sorrow

We are living through an age of grief. Turn on the news, scroll through social media, or simply look around your community, and you'll see it everywhere—a world saturated with loss. Climate anxiety, social injustice, economic uncertainty, global conflicts, and the lingering effects of a pandemic have created what I call a "grief ecosystem"—an environment where sorrow, uncertainty, and loss have become the backdrop of daily life.

Yet here's what I've learned from walking alongside people in their darkest moments: while each person's grief is as unique as their fingerprint, the fundamental experience of grieving is profoundly universal. And in recognizing this shared humanity, we find not just comfort, but the seeds of healing—both individual and collective.

The New Face of Grief

Young people today are inheriting a world that seems to grieve openly. They're witnessing environmental destruction, political division, social unrest, and economic instability at a scale previous generations couldn't have imagined. But they're also experiencing something remarkable: they're more willing to name their grief, to feel it openly, and to seek connection in their pain.

This generation doesn't just grieve individual losses—though those are profound and real. They grieve for futures that feel uncertain, for a planet in crisis, for systems that seem broken, for dreams that feel out of reach. They carry what researchers call "anticipatory grief"—mourning losses that haven't yet occurred but feel inevitable.

Similarly, unlike ancient civilisations that grieved in community and through ritual, we as a culture have moved very far away from this.

The Paradox of Unique Yet Universal Grief

Here's the beautiful contradiction at the heart of human grief: no two people grieve exactly the same way, yet we all navigate the same emotional landscape. Your grief over a lost relationship will feel different from someone else's grief over the loss of a parent, which will feel different from a community's grief over environmental destruction. The details, the triggers, the timeline—all unique.

But the fundamental emotions? The sense of disorientation when the world suddenly feels unsafe? The anger that comes in waves? The bargaining, the numbness, the gradual rebuilding of meaning? These are the common threads that bind us all.

When we acknowledge this paradox, something powerful happens. We can honor the specificity of each person's pain while recognizing that we're all walking variations of the same difficult path. We can sit with someone in their unique sorrow and say, "I may not know exactly what you're feeling, but I know what it's like to feel lost in grief."

Why Our World Seems to Generate Grief

Our modern world has created unprecedented conditions for widespread grief:

Information Overload: We're exposed to more loss, trauma, and suffering than any generation in history. Every tragedy, every injustice, every crisis is instantly accessible, creating what psychologists call "secondary trauma"—grief from witnessing others' pain.

Disconnection: Despite being more "connected" than ever, many people report feeling profoundly isolated. When grief strikes, this disconnection amplifies the pain, leaving people to navigate loss without adequate community support.

Rapid Change: The pace of change in our world means we're constantly losing familiar systems, environments, and ways of life. We grieve not just people, but places, traditions, and the sense of stability our ancestors took for granted.

Future Anxiety: Young people especially carry grief for futures that feel threatened—career prospects, environmental stability, social progress. They're mourning losses that exist more in possibility than reality, but the pain is no less real.

The Healing Power of Collective Recognition

But here's where hope enters the picture. When we recognize grief as a shared human experience, we create space for collective healing. We stop seeing our pain as evidence of personal failure and start seeing it as evidence of our humanity.

In my practice, I've witnessed the transformative power of what I call "grief witnessing"—when people realize they're not alone in their sorrow. There's profound relief in discovering that your seemingly impossible grief is actually a normal response to abnormal circumstances.

Coming Together: A Path Forward

So how do we move forward? How do we transform a world that seems to generate grief into one that can hold and heal it?

Create Grief-Conscious Communities: We need spaces—online and offline—where people can name their losses without judgment. Whether it's environmental grief, economic anxiety, or personal loss, we need communities that understand grief as a natural response to living in turbulent times.

Practice Collective Care: Individual therapy is important, but we also need collective approaches to healing. Community support groups, shared rituals of mourning, and collective action can transform grief from an isolating experience into a connecting one.

Normalize Grief Talk: We need to make grief literacy as common as mental health awareness. Young people especially need to understand that feeling overwhelmed by the state of the world isn't pathological—it's human.

Channel Grief into Action: Some of the most powerful social movements have emerged from collective grief. When we grieve together, we can also envision and work toward better futures together.

Honor the Both/And: We can hold space for both despair and hope, both individual uniqueness and universal experience, both the reality of loss and the possibility of renewal.

A Message of Hope

To anyone reading this who feels overwhelmed by the grief in our world—yours and others'—please know this: your grief is both completely yours and completely shared. You're not too sensitive for feeling deeply about the state of things. You're not broken for struggling with loss that others seem to handle easily.

You're human. And in a world that often feels like it's forgetting how to be human together, your capacity to grieve—to feel deeply, to care profoundly—is actually a form of resistance and hope.

Grief, when held collectively, becomes something more than individual pain. It becomes a call for connection, a demand for change, and a foundation for building the more compassionate world we all deserve.

If you're struggling with grief—whether personal loss or the weight of living in difficult times—please feel free to get in touch to organise a session with me via a brief 15 minute phone call.